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This February, we came down with a mean case of the Jarabowlaz… especially our Athletic Director, Chris Harbur. Collected here for your enjoyment are excerpts from the emails Chris sent out in advance of our weekly bowling matches. By the end of the season, the Jarabowlaz were on pins and needles waiting to see what he’d say next. (Did you catch that, with the pins? It’s a bowling reference! Ok, Chris is better at bringin’ the funny than we are, so keep reading.)

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Your very own Jarabowlaz (Jaradoa + bowling + the letter “z”… see what we did there?) will be hittin’ the lanes for the very first time!

We are all super excited to be in the Broadway Bowling League and just wanted to extend an invitation to all of you Jaradoa supporting people. It’s $15 to bowl two games, and you also can just come, support, have a drink and say hi to your fellow Broadway people, cheer us on and dance to Lin-Manuel Miranda’s bowling playlist! This is your captain, Chris “Thunder Strike” Harbur signing off…..

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I think everyone who showed up last week will be in a general state of agreeance (yes that term was more popularly used circa 1919) that Thursday’s bowling was one of the most fun things done in a long while! With that in mind, this Thursday will be for points! No pressure–as we found out last week, you can literally bowl worse than a Northern Canadian field mouse and still win because you get to add as many as 200 points to your score!

Bowl boldly, my friends.

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Oh, biscuits, we’re in 4th…

That said, I can pretty much guarantee that if you make your way on down to Port Authority Bus Terminal this Thursday night at 11pm you will do the following:

1) Laugh at least 6 times

2) Dance to a song from every decade

3) Do the “strike” dance (you’ll just have to see it for yourself)

4) MOONWALK (it’s sooooo much easier with bowling shoes on)

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Ridiculous…. We are a bunch of goofy laughing hyenas at the bowling alley and have managed to be the best closing team in the Broadway Show League. Last week everyone had to bowl a good last frame to win their match up and DID! I feel like a proud stage mom….

Tonight we will return, in third place, bearing the metaphoric bronze medal and waving our Jarabowland country flag high, singing our famous song: “Jarabowland! Jarabowland! Hear our cries and fear our bowlin…d….!”

I love you all.

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Last week, the 15+ Jarabowlaz supporters witnessed a tiny slice of history as we beat the best team in the league 14-9. They are the unruly but hugely dominating “Balls Deep” team. These guys are scary. Not in the physical, vocal or snappy-dressing kinda way, but in a theatrical, eccentric, bowl-your-face-hole-off way. How did we do this, you may ask? Was it our will to bowl? Our desire to spread mercy, beauty, truth and bowling ball cheer to everyone? Or is it the fact that we get excited after EVERY BALL THROWN no matter where it ends up or who throws it?… Technically, none of these things, but MAN were we impressive!

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Look gang, let’s get straight to it. We are .5 points out of FIRST. (1/2 a point!!) Amazing.

The bowling debut of our newest Jaradoa Member, Shelley “Spicy Vanilla Heat” Thomas, re-energized an already potent Jarabowlaz line up and propelled us to new heights. This is the closest we have ever been to first place. This week is a position week so we will be bowling that 1st place “Balls Deep” team from South Pacific….. grrrr. Our fearless co-captain, “Balls Wellington” (Brandon Giles), will be steering the Good Ship Jara-pop. I will miss you all this week.

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Somebody’s in fiiiiirst…. And that somebody is U-S! Wooo! We rock.

Under the fearless tutelage of our co-captain, “Balls Wellington III,” the “A Team” from South Pacific fell like Humpty-Dumpty after a long night of partying. Come if you want a little taste of what being a national bowling champ feels like.

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Tomorrow night is our wing party at Shorty’s…. and the Championship Game.

I felt a legitimate goose bump form on my right forearm as I wrote that subject line just now. I am pretty excited that we will playing for the Championship against a team that actually practices on Monday nights in Queens. We are 2.5 points behind so we gotta win, and we gotta win by 3 points to take home the coveted “Golden Tap Shoe.” Actually, I have no idea what award is given if you win the Broadway Bowling League, but I can imagine it will be something like that.

If you are indifferent about bowling, come hang out and watch the most improbable sporting outcome happen since that hockey team beat that other hockey team in that movie that came out a little while ago.

THIS IS THE BIG ONE! Also the last one. Who’s with me?!?!

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So we finished the year in 2nd place…. I feel pretty darn good about that. I think that anyone who ever came to bowl with us would agree that it was something truly exciting to look forward to each week. There aren’t many people on this planet that put more good vibes into an atmosphere than the good people of Jaradoa Theater. 🙂 Well my friends, it’s time for Chris “Thunder Strike/ I Have a 127 Pin Bowling Average” Harbur to sign off for this season with the Jarabowlaz chant that got us all the way to #2: “Mercy, Beauty, Truth, BALLS!”

I love you all and will see you at the Kicknick on May 17th!

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